One of the best parts of running a children’s party planning biz is that I can do so much of this work with my children. They brainstorm and vet party ideas. They put on first coats of paint. They look over my shoulder and say, “Pin that, mommy!” But there are times when I don’t want their little hands in my stuff. I want whatever I’m producing for you on this blog or for a client to be as perfect as possible. That can be hard to achieve and involve my twins, as well.

I also don’t want to turn them into little perfectionists, or tell them (in effect) “no, don’t be helpful / no, you can’t spend time with mommy / no, you’re not good enough.”

I mean, what’s the point of a child-focused business if I think that a child can “ruin” something?

So I’ve been working on getting over my own perfectionism, but balancing that with a realism about what needs to be adults-only. How can the girls help and feel proud of their contribution without comprising the quality that is so key to what I offer you?

And when I share a recipe or tutorial with you, how can you work on it with your kids?

• Prepare yourself — If you allow enough extra time and materials, then you won’t stress out when the process of crafting with your child takes longer or uses extra supplies.
• Try the “first coat approach” — Let your child do the first coat of paint, the first scoop of sugar, the first try at setting the table. Then you come back in and do the final coat. The attitude to have here is not that you are correcting your child’s attempt, but rather that you are partners on this project.
• Ask for their help — I’ll say, “I could really use your help sorting these fabric strips.” Lay out the problem for your kids, and they’ll feel like a champ when they jump in with a solution.
• Listen to them — If you ask them to take on part of a project, and you get back, “But that’s not fun…” then let them do the fun part (as long as it is safe for them).
• Remind yourself that everything is washable — Yes, they will make a mess. Yes, you’ll wind up cleaning up that mess. Yes, that wastes your time. It’s totally worth it.
• Teach them how to recover from a fail — Let them crack the egg. Then teach them how to fish out the eggshell. And teach them how to laugh at their mistakes and move on.
• You can always re-do it — If it really does have to be perfect, let your kids make one party favor on their own, and then do the rest yourself after they go to bed.
• Do it without them — If you don’t have extra time or materials or patience, then work on your project when the kids aren’t around. It’s a much better approach then wigging out when they try to help you and you are just not in that frame of mind.
• Dedicate a project just for them — Whether it’s Saturday morning waffles or a Father’s Day gift, choose a project they truly own and let them have at it.
• Just trust them — I bet they’ll surprise you.

With all that in mind, I made a pie this week with Baby A. Her class was celebrating Pi Day a week late and she wanted to bring in a pie. A lemon meringue pie. Okey-dokey. Stiff white peaks, it is. My first (perfectionist) thought was, “This is never going to work. Separating egg whites from yolks on a school night? No.” Then I got over myself and put extra eggs on the grocery list.

I chose this recipe, and Baby B helped me pull ingredients out of the pantry, then made the shopping list. We waited until she was done with her homework, and started around 5 p.m. I was a little freaked about starting so late and getting dinner on the table and having both of them shower, but I got over myself (again).

She did great, and even let her twin help … a little. (OK, I may have threatened to stop the whole project if Baby A didn’t graciously let Baby B help.) We learned about pre-baking a pie crust using dried beans. We learned about why the KitchenAid mixer is the only way I’ll ever try stiff white peaks again. We learned about making sure your dry measurements are even.

And when I put the pie crust out on the back deck to cool, we learned it was snowing. In March. So, the girls took a snow break.

And then a shower break. It was a rather relaxed approach to pie making, but it’s what worked for us.

The pie survived. It was actually pretty perfect. We’re baking another tonight.